I was lying in bed last night missing Rick. At night I always reached for Rick and patted him on the arm and pat him and let him know he wasn’t alone in his nightmares. He used to have nightmares quite frequently. His snoring at night. Ha! The first night we slept together, he dozed off first than came that hellaous SNORE! But now it’s so quite in the house. It feels like it’s been years since he has been gone, but then I realized that he hasn’t even been gone 3 months. How in the hell am I going to go thur 20 years without him? I mean, he gone! Never to return again. I don’t want anymore folks in my bubble. My home has been my bubble for the past ten years. A place where all the outside world can’t reach Rick and I. Rick was so funny! He used to dance around the house, making up rhyming songs. We both shared a wicked sense of humor. Rick went out and tossed toys to Barney in the backyard and now looking at those same toys breaks my heart. Barney sat in the front door and front window for days waiting on Rick to come home. One thing though, Mo-Mo the kitty O has gotten to where she decided she needs to suck up to me now. Mo-Mo picked Rick to be her human. She didn’t like me then and would bite the shit out of me for No reason! But her human pick isn’t here anymore so she’s stuck with me.Rick did so many things for me. It was his nature to take care of people. He should have been a nurse. He took care of his mother until she died. Then his first wife had a heart attack and open heart surgery six months into their marriage, then diabetes, dialyisis and she fell one winter morning, after 14 years together and busted her skull on the ice in a parking lot going to the doctor and died. He came home from work and she wasn’t there. He didn’t know what had happened. The maintance man at the apartments where they lived told him about her fall. Rick started calling hospitals and the mourge had a jane doe and Rick went down there and idenitifed her. What a horrible thing. I don’t have all that wrong with me. I have terrible pain in my back and hip because of brusitus but Rick loved doing things for me. One of his friends hates me because of the way Rick waited on me. I didn’t like his friend either. But I’m not worried about his opinion of me because he hates women too. Calls them bitches, whores, etc.. His second wife was a titty dancer, the first left his ass but then again, the titty dancer did too. He prefers the beer joint atmosphere with the bar whores. Rick and I don’t drink. He had invited us to come to the bar called the Viaduct (under the viaduct) a real nice place, choke gag, to hear him sing Karokoee several times but no dice with us! I hate beening around a bunch of drunks. That’s one reason we never when to company BBQ or parties because they would all be drunk.
Rick is gone and I have no earthly idea how I’m going to go on. I don’t want to go on. It’s too hard. Rick was the first person I loved and depended on because he Never let me down. He was in my corner all the time. I remember if he saw me doing something that could potentially be a great big mess, he would ask me to just sit down and let him do it because he knew if it could, it would with me! If he looked at a mess I made he would say, Looks like Miss Messy came over today! and clean it up. He was my heart.