I’m Tired And I Want To Go Home

I’m tired. I don’t want to do this anymore. This. Life.  I’m tired and have been tired of living for years. Oh, I tried to end it a bunch of times but some thing always screws it up.  God wants me alive for some reason.  I made a deal with God before I came down here I guess.  I just don’t remember why I’m suppose to be here, so I go wandering thru life looking for that reason.  To be alive today is indeed living in interesting times.  I think all  of us are here for a reason. I think we are all here to live in the end times.  We  all have a part to play and we have to play that part, wheather we want to or not.  We don’t get to check out early if your part isn’t done.  Ask anyone who has lost a child.  Or a spouse.  You can’t believe that people are just going to work and singing along with the radio and your whole world is shattered in a million pieces laying all around your feet. Life drags you along regardless of how you feel. I hate this life. It sucks yet here I am.  I wondered why God took Rick instead of me.  I mean, Rick was a big man that didn’t know what the word diet tasted like. I knew and he knew, he was killing himself with the way he ate but he loved his food.  He wouldn’t go to the doctor, but I was judging by the will to live.  Rick said if he was ever put on life support that he wouldn’t want me to unplug him, that’s how much he loved life.  I told him I didn’t want to be put on the machines in the first place. He knew he would die young of a heart attack, like his father he told me. And he did. 

 I think and have thought for a long time that something bad was coming.  God  thumping us on our heads bad.  Now, look around yourself today.  The pages of revelations and Matthew Chapter 24 are happening daily. The world is at war.  With Islam.  If you read the Bible then read the Koran, you will see that their Savior sounds a lot like the Anti-Christ to me. The four horsemen of the Apocolyspe in the Bible. Remember, the Anti-Chirst comes first then Jesus. The muslim will worship the first beast. And force you to worship him too.  In the Koron, the white horse is ridden by their Jesus, who is only a prophet in Muslim religion, will come back and kill all the Jews, people of the book, and all other non-believers for not believing in Allah. Their Jesus will be scarred and blind in one eye, from fighting, martyred for Allah!  Then he will lead all the other muslims to martyr theselves!!!  For the seventy virgins in Paradise!  But, I digress. Back to what’s happening today. We are on the edge of nuclear war and Americans are going to be slaughtered in their beds by Muslims like they are in Germany, Sweden, Paris.  I can see it now. Martial Law. The refugees are flooding our country.  The refugees are actually an army and they are savage people. We think we know it but we don’t.  We are a cilivized people but they are savages.  Think they going to stand their and hurl insults at you like most of us would call fighting?  Spitting and slapping and elbows?  These fuckers look forward to whacking your head off.  Not like with a guillotine all nice and smooth, but whack at it with a rusty butcher knife.  To cause as much pain as possible and laugh the whole time they are doing it!  Looking forward to those 6 year old virgins. 72 of them. Isn’t that enough to shake you to the ground?  The only thing we are missing is the three days of darkness and the sky rolling up like a scroll.  People forget that part.  Sky  rollling up?  Nuclear bomb anyone?  Three days of darkness? 
I can see this in my mind like a movie, Trump wins and of course the negros go crazy and riot and burn down their neighborhood and turn to ours. Martial Law is called, people die, go to jail and the round up of the illegals begin.  Trucks, buses and rail cars are traveling across the country toward the Mexican border.  These fuckers arn’t going peacefully. They’ve already told us they are going to kill us and take over the country so course they have to be put into the FEMA camps to hold for transport.  Now, how can we tell who belongs here and who doesn’t?  Social Security  numbers?  Driver’s license? Birth Record?  How?  Religion?  A mark to tell the difference? One thing is  very clear.  We must get rid of Islam. Period.  Both peaceful and extermist read and believe in the same book with the same words that’s to deal harshly and kill infidels where ever you find them.  Infidel.  That’s me and you. We are in the end times. I can’t believed I typed that. But we are. We are in the final battle of good and evil. 

I’m just wondering how to kill yourself without it hurting.  Overdose is so unreliable. Either you don’t take enough or someone finds you when they are not suppose to be there.  Driving head on into an electric pole doesn’t work, it just breaks your face instead of throwing you thru the windshield and decapitating you. I don’t have the guts to blow my head off like my brother. Well, not his head. His heart. My son hanged himself. I’d probably pull the ceiling fan down if I tied it there, so I’ve thought about using the closet rod. I know. If anyone could read this now, they would want me locked up in a mental hospital and me and doctors and nurses don’t get along that well at all.  They want to tell me what to do, strip you of you belongings and your diginty and they like to punish you if you don’t “get along” with the rules. Not smoking and that ain’t even going to happen.  I would wind up in restraints. So, what’s a girl to do?  Just sit here and exist on disability and wear odd shoes because I can’t afford a new pair, the house with a tarp over my roof where the tree limbs from the giant tree out front has fallen thur the roof. I guess I could just close the door to the room and let it fall off the side of the house. None of that has happened yet but that’s what I see in the future. My aren’t I a kiss of sunshine today! Listen loud and clear, I am not a danger to you or myself. I just hate life. This is the type of post where you don’t know weather to laugh or cry.

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About 1wanderingtruthseeker

I'm a fiftish woman that has opinions and passions about nearly everything under the sun. I love a good debate, not name calling. I believe in the Constitution , the Bill of Rights and God. I believe the government which governs the least is the best government of all. I believe in the rights of the people. I dispatched fire trucks, the Po-Po and ambulances for a long time so I have a wicked sense of dark humor and speak fluent sarcasm. I think out loud a lot times. I am offensive. But I'm offensive of everybody. Socially unacceptable, plain spoken and unashamed. If you don't want to be offend, please don't read and if you do, please consider that I'm not politically correct in any sense of the word.
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