Today would have been Rick’s birthday and he would have been 59. He hasn’t been gone even 3 months now. I don’t see how I can make it own my own. The only way to do it is if nothing else breaks in my life. My shoes, my car, a flat tire, nothing. How will I fix or get another washing machine if it breaks? What if my car dies? After all, it is old. The only way I can see it is if I get a boarder. I don’t much care for people anyway. Living with a stranger is not only a bad idea but could be deadly too. You don’t know what might happen as well as driving me crazy.I think you ought to like a person if you’re going to live with them. There’s no sense in living if you’re misrable at home. If I give up eating or something like my computer. I feel lost without my computer and news and articles about the election, prepper information, books on line, etc. …sigh. I don’t want pity or money from anyone, I’m just writing my heart down and how it feels now. It’s cleansing. I don’t think I could even work part time with the idiots that are out there now. Spitting on a police person’s burger or sandwhich with glass in them, I would pull out a can of whoop ass on those BLM hate groups and anti-police people. See if they call the police for help, you know those people they hate and don’t want.
It’s so quite in my house. There’s not a lot of talking going on. Rick and I were loud talkers and it’s strange to be this quiet in the house. Barney looks at me as if to say, I’ll talk to you and he does. Thur his eyes. Also his hugs. He will get on the couch and place his paws on the arm and get fall into me. Both my animals love me and half way get along. Barney knows he can’t chase the Mo. I’ve read where people almost lost speech from being alone. I mentioned that to my friend and we just laughed and laughed! I talk so much my father used to tell me that if I shut up for two minutes the top of my head would blow off. People have told me that if I need help, they were there for me but I don’t want other people to have to spend money taking care of me. I could live another twenty years but probably not. Imagine how much that would cost in help. Thank God I own my house and car, payment free. I’ll have to relearn to cook a pot of beans without burning them. My mind wanders so much I get distracted very easily and forget things. I will sit in the kitchen and watch them. Gravy. I love gravy but haven’t made it in so long, I can’t seem to get it done. Potatoes. Anyway you can cook them. Fried, mashed, baked, jullian, tator tots, you name it. I love those. A head of lettuce instead of pre-cut spring mix. I have sip seals bags and a straw. Suck the air right out of them. Stays so much fresher longer. Left overs for lunch. Oatmeal for breakfast. Great. Here’s to next month! May it be better.