I Must Write RAGE

MY husband has been dead 8 days and I’m so pissed. As soon as I determined he was really, turly dead, I dialed 911. I then called my mother and she said she would be right there.   Mind you, she is 77 years old and a lung cancer patient. My mother and sister live together and I just assumed ( which makes an ass out of me ) my sister would be with her. See, I told you it makes me an ass.

My sister lost her husband from agent orange.  It eat him alive.  They knew he was dying. Hell, he had Hosice!  Rick’s death hit me like a fist to the stomach. My mother stayed at my sister’s house so he could die at home. They knew he had hours to live.  He died. I was there for my sister every step of the way. I have encourged her to get out and just mix with people. Any people. But she never did.  Her husband has been dead for 10 years.  Years before her husband died, he helped  pay for some of his relatives to be buried. They were in the country in Arkansas.  She complined all the time. See, her husband worked for the Post Office and made good money and benefits.

Then about 5 years ago my son killled himself.  Out of the Blue. Nobody would have ever thought he would kill himself, he loved life too much.  The service of creamation and a viewing was three thousand dollars.  My sister wrote a check for it.  I paid her back. Every penny.   Now,she didn’t even try to talk to me for 6 days. Not a phone call, text or visit.  I told my momma that I know exactly word for word she said.  ‘Good. I never like that bastard and I’m glad he’s dead. And I’m not paying to bury his ass.’   I asked momma a couple of days after Rick was dead, ‘What did she say when you told her Rick was dead and she said, Nothing.  Nothing?  Fucking Nothing?  She nodded. How could she be mad at the man that just died?  The one who has taken care of me for ten years?   I felt like I had been punched hard in the stomach as I got our of bed. She came up with Momma six days later.  Momma stayed with me for 2 1/2 days.  I knew she was very uncomfortable here.  I have Barney and Mo Mo in the house and she hates dogs. It wasn’t her bed, it wasn’t her chair so I asked her to go home. I meant home for  good.  I was just hurry up and wait mode.  She finally when home.  But she  came back Saturday.  When she and momma pulled up, I had to put Barney out, but Barney wasn’t going anywhere.   I assured them Barney wouldn’t bite them, that they came in.  I put Barney out using the leash when the door was closed. She sat in a wing chair right in front of me and momma off to my left in another wing chair.  Quiet. Momma when in to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee.  Still Nothing.  Momma came back in and sat down.  Momma and I started to talk Rick’s services and how to get custody of his body. The cost to do so.  My sister told me I should just buried his ass with the money he left me.  My mouth fell open! I used to scream and cuss at people.  Not with her.  I looked her in the eye with and said in a calm level voice. ‘Teresa you are a mean and hateful person.I know the first words out of your mouth and I can’t believe you would talk to me horriblly, Calling me idiot, lunitic, lazy and any number of awful names.  You just talked horrible about Rick and I want you to take your money and shove it straight up your ass. I wouldn’t take a penny from you. I’ve had it with you and I’m washing my hands of you. Momma started screaming ‘Y’all stop it! I did it to help you. Not listen to you ying yanging.  I looked at her and asked What ying yane?  I’m dead servios about every word I said.  Teresa sat there not even looking at me for a minute or two.  It felt like a 100 years before she got up and walked out.  With her spray tan that we were supposed to be for the vaction she and I were going to take.  When she walked out the door I turned to momma and asked if she could at least back me when I’m right?  She said she felt like she was being tugged in to.  I drop my jaw again.  I said, Even when she was so clearly wrong?  Six days later is a great big fuck you.  Momma said I didn’t give her time to apoligize. I let her in the door didn’t I ?   She had six days to call an tell me she was sorry for my loss. Wouldn’t use a phone to call or test me for SIX DAYS !  She said that she was morooned at my house because my sister took he car home.  I told her I would take her right then, to go get her things. She said No and then I encourraged her to go, that I would be happy to take her.  She didn’t. She stayed so she could go to the funeral home with me to make the arrangement. Rick’s very good friend and co-worker has been a rock for me.  He came over as soon as he heard and has been helping me with the arrangement and checking on me ever since.  The three of us went and all three of us chipped in on Rick’s service.  His friend said the company was talking up money for the cost with the owner of the company kicking in.  Momma put the balance of the service on her credit card. I assured her that what ever I got from the company would go straight to her.  She told me that I could pay it off 10 dollars a month if I wanted to.  She said, So what?  I’ll be dead soon. and laughed.  I guess it’ll be me, momma and his co-workers at his service. It be that way some days.


About 1wanderingtruthseeker

I'm a fiftish woman that has opinions and passions about nearly everything under the sun. I love a good debate, not name calling. I believe in the Constitution , the Bill of Rights and God. I believe the government which governs the least is the best government of all. I believe in the rights of the people. I dispatched fire trucks, the Po-Po and ambulances for a long time so I have a wicked sense of dark humor and speak fluent sarcasm. I think out loud a lot times. I am offensive. But I'm offensive of everybody. Socially unacceptable, plain spoken and unashamed. If you don't want to be offend, please don't read and if you do, please consider that I'm not politically correct in any sense of the word.
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