The Hardest Blog

I am very good at telling truths.  I have mainly done so to other people.  Now, it’s time for me to tell the truth about my son’s suicide.  I helped him put that jailhouse noose around his neck.  I helped him get ready for it for a long time ago.  I let him know that he wasn’t important enough to stick around for. Almost all of his life.  The second time I tried to kill myself was when he was almost five years old.  I am chemically mentally ill.  I am bi-polar and bi-polar people are selfish.  And suicidal.  I drove my truck into a parking lot cement pole. I had just lose my husband and the baby I was carrying (Rh – destroying a Rhesus monkey fetus) all in the same day.  I thought that the world had caved in on me.  I wanted to die.  I took my son to the place that my husband worked and dropped him off.  Then I plowed my truck into the concrete pole at 50 miles an hour.  I had a will in my purse giving custody of my son to my mother and father.  They never look in my purse except my driver’s license to find out who I was.  Not with words but with actions, I let my son know that I didn’t want to live for him.  He told me after I got out of the hospital, Momma I will never leave you.  But I tried to leave him many more times. So many times, I can’t even remember how many. This is my shame.  This is my truth about me.


About 1wanderingtruthseeker

I'm a fiftish woman that has opinions and passions about nearly everything under the sun. I love a good debate, not name calling. I believe in the Constitution , the Bill of Rights and God. I believe the government which governs the least is the best government of all. I believe in the rights of the people. I dispatched fire trucks, the Po-Po and ambulances for a long time so I have a wicked sense of dark humor and speak fluent sarcasm. I think out loud a lot times. I am offensive. But I'm offensive of everybody. Socially unacceptable, plain spoken and unashamed. If you don't want to be offend, please don't read and if you do, please consider that I'm not politically correct in any sense of the word.
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