I Am Haunted

Yes, indeed, I am haunted. I am haunted by my choices in rasing my child.  It was a battle of wills in his teenage years.  My will over his.  He just wouldn’t comply with the house rules, so I turned to tough love that all the physic people of the day were spouting.  It was the worse thing in my and my son’s life.  I was supposed to show him that he had consequences for his behavior.  All it did was drive us further apart.  My God, how alone he must have felt.   So alone that he killed himself.  That is my burden to bear and it haunts me all of my days.   My heart breaks when I think of how I should have been his soft place to land.  Aren’t parents supposed to love, protect and make them feel safe?  I failed miserably in being a parent and he was my only child.

…………….

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About 1wanderingtruthseeker

I'm a fiftish woman that has opinions and passions about nearly everything under the sun. I love a good debate, not name calling. I believe in the Constitution , the Bill of Rights and God. I believe the government which governs the least is the best government of all. I believe in the rights of the people. I dispatched fire trucks, the Po-Po and ambulances for a long time so I have a wicked sense of dark humor and speak fluent sarcasm. I think out loud a lot times. I am offensive. But I'm offensive of everybody. Socially unacceptable, plain spoken and unashamed. If you don't want to be offend, please don't read and if you do, please consider that I'm not politically correct in any sense of the word.
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4 Responses to I Am Haunted

  1. belinda0429 says:

    I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what losing a child would be like, but I know you must be going through hell. Please try not to blame yourself. Children do not come with handbooks, so all we can do is love them and try to raise them right. I can hear in your words how much you loved your son and I am sure that he knew that also. I am here for you if you ever need to talk… It sounds like anyone would be better than that crazy doctor of yours! (((Big Hugs))).

    • 1wanderingtruthseeker says:

      Thank you for your kind words and help. All the what if’s drive you crazy. I did get a chance to tell him I was sorry for all the mistakes I made in raising him. That was about seven years before he hung himself. He told me I didn’t need to worry about how I raised him, that he had seen up close what other parents do to their children. And he was glad I raised him. But that still doesn’t erase the films of life rolling thru my head.

  2. my heart aches for you reading this. I can feel your pain. Big hugs to you. please take care of yourself

    • 1wanderingtruthseeker says:

      Thank you. Some times, I’m staring at the T.V. or out the window and not seeing anything but the mistakes I made. Thank you for reaching out. my son has been dead three years and it still hurts the same.

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