Bi-polar and my meds.

I have been on the correct dosages from my doctor for about 6 years now.  They keep increasing my “mood elevator” and it just kills me.  Being on so much medication is horrible.  You don’t live, you exist.  Nothing bothers you because you don’t give a shit if the sun doesn’t shine or does.  It slows my brain down to where if someone asks me a question, I have to think about the answer.  I think so long they think I’m ignoring them.  I think about the answer, come to my conclusion and don’t inform them of my conclusion.  To me, that’s too much medicine.  I sit on the couch or at my desk all day long.  And do nothing.  I don’t even want to cook.  McDonald’s is fine.  My husband does the laundry and the dishes.  He does a lot for me.  I am OCD too.  I am OCD about reading.  I must read at all times.  I even carry my books to the bathroom.  I’ll read the cereal box if nothing else is available.   I have book cases all over my house and still don’t have room for all of them.  I found out the library is a better way to go.  I don’t have to pay for them or have to store them.  The computer is my new book.  So.  About a week ago, I started cutting back the amount I take.  After three days, it seems like a little of the fog is lifting.  I told a couple of people I was thinking about cutting my meds and they all freaked out, so I didn’t tell them I cut the dosage.  It does make me a little mean, but at least I feel something.  This medicine has made me gain so much weight.  I know I’ll never get back to the weight I was, so I’m not even going to try.  Weight is not the reason I’m reducing it.  It is so I can feel again.  Think back and be able to write funny stories.  Meds cut down on your creativity.  I like sparkly things when I’m not medicated.  I love music too.  I haven’t really listened to music in a while.  I want to live, feel and be alive.

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About 1wanderingtruthseeker

I'm a fiftish woman that has opinions and passions about nearly everything under the sun. I love a good debate, not name calling. I believe in the Constitution , the Bill of Rights and God. I believe the government which governs the least is the best government of all. I believe in the rights of the people. I dispatched fire trucks, the Po-Po and ambulances for a long time so I have a wicked sense of dark humor and speak fluent sarcasm. I think out loud a lot times. I am offensive. But I'm offensive of everybody. Socially unacceptable, plain spoken and unashamed. If you don't want to be offend, please don't read and if you do, please consider that I'm not politically correct in any sense of the word.
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