Today I would like to tell you about a guy that comes over and does handy man stuff for a little of nothing. Of course his real name is not Zappa, but I will call him Zappa because I can’t piss of the handy man. Zappa came over Saturday to fix a leaky toilet and put some hinges on that I needed, and he is really funny in telling his stories. Below is his description.
Here comes Zappa, riding up on his motorcycle. His motorcycle is the biker kinda with the high handlebars. He wears old blue jeans and t shirt. Zappa is bald with graying whiskers. He asked me in his gruff whiskey voice what he could do for me that day. I told him about my leaking toilet and he said he would go see what he could do about it. It was only a rubber washer. After he could that fixed, he sat down on the couch and regaled with me with a few of his storied. He had gotten his radio in his truck stolen twice and decided to put the round locks on both of his doors. You know, the locks you have to drill out to open without a key. Zappa is bi-polar and is not supposed to drink on his medicines, so he will drop his medicines to drink. He likes to hang out in the neighborhood bar. He said that people just didn’t want to act right if he is not taking his meds. In other words, he is bar-room brawler. He tells some of the funniest stories about his fights and why he got into them. He says that he only fights when he has to. The last fight involved his stolen radio and the fact that he guy who stole his radios was in the bar. Of course he didn’t have the proof that the guy was actually the one who stole it, but other people said he was the one that stole them. The guy was drunk and wanted to interfere with Zappa’s pool game. One of Zappa’s friend was playing with him and the drunk guy wanted to fight both of them. “I think I’ll just whip both of your asses.” Wrong move with Zappa. The man stood there with his legs spread apart, ready to take them on. Zappa kicks the guy dead in the balls and when he hit the floor, Zappa was on top of him whaling on his head. The drunk guy was holding onto a bar stool and Zappa was trying his best to jerk the guy thur the back door, but just wouldn’t let go of the bar stool. Zappa is pretty stong. He is a hard body, old construction guy on top of being the best bar-room brawler. Needless to say, Zappa thur the drunk ass out the back door.