I think my Bi-polar-ness is showing

English: a french old fashioned merry-go-round...

English: a french old fashioned merry-go-round, with stairs, two floors, and its cash-cabin, In La Rochelle, France Français : un carrousel à l’ancienne, avec échelle, étage, et sa cabine-caisse, à La Rochelle, Place de Verdun, France (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have been yell at by some people about my blog.  I don’t think it is about my blog at all, it’s just the way I tell the truth so freely that I am being yelled at about.  Ohhh…so that’s what being bi-polar is??  I have found out that many people don’t want to hear the truth.  They may say they are all about the truth, but they’re not.  People have seen the side of me that tells the true,brutal truth of the matter, but not all  have seen me in my rages.  It reminds me of a serious talk me and mine had a couple of weeks ago.  Hubs got mad and started throwing things in the spare bedroom.  I just laughed to myself and thought about what all I could show the Hubs when it came to throwing things.  You see, back in the days before medicine, throwing things were my favorite pastime.  Especially glass things that would shatter all over the place.  You know like glass ashtray’s, vases, windows, etc.  One time I threw a piece of fire wood threw the back glass in my living room.  That was because my ex husband locked me out of the house.  I never threw things at people.  So here’s the Hub throwing things and I thought about going into the kitchen and breaking all the plates and dishes.  But, with my medicine all I did was think about it.  Hubs is another one that doesn’t want the truth.  He feels fine about expressing the truth, as he sees it, about me but he sure doesn’t want to hear the truth about himself. I’ve thought about suicide too.  Especially around my son’s anniversary of death.  That I just want to STOP.  Refuse to ride the merry-go-round of life.  We are all given a ticket to the ride when we are born.  And it won’t let you off until you die. It’s been a rough ride at this address for a while now.  But, never fear. I will survive!  Sometimes I don’t want to survive, but I always do.  I have different sides to me as all people do, it just that my sides are more drastic than others. I rage where I scream and throw things, I fall into depressions so deep that I can’t get out of bed, a funny side where I laugh at the most inconspicuous times.  I think of something funny, then I think I can’t laugh and that just makes me want to laugh more. Here I am, tearing streaming down my face as I try my hardest not to laugh.  Just like the heart I wear that has Brad’s ashes in a gold vial.  I wear it all the time.  I only take it off when I bathe, because I don’t want to make Brad mud pies!  How could I laugh about a thing like that?  But I think Brad is laughing with me.


About 1wanderingtruthseeker

I'm a fiftish woman that has opinions and passions about nearly everything under the sun. I love a good debate, not name calling. I believe in the Constitution , the Bill of Rights and God. I believe the government which governs the least is the best government of all. I believe in the rights of the people. I dispatched fire trucks, the Po-Po and ambulances for a long time so I have a wicked sense of dark humor and speak fluent sarcasm. I think out loud a lot times. I am offensive. But I'm offensive of everybody. Socially unacceptable, plain spoken and unashamed. If you don't want to be offend, please don't read and if you do, please consider that I'm not politically correct in any sense of the word.
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6 Responses to I think my Bi-polar-ness is showing

  1. MG says:

    Being multi-dimensional is not a bad thing. You have some very real pain…and a very real tragedy to process each day. THAT is extremely challenging. If people don’t get it, that’s too bad. Honesty is a good thing darlin’. I don’t stomach people complaining and whining about inconsequential things…like freaking out about a stain on a blouse or a broken fingernail. But I have immense compassion for people who face extreme challenges and/or obstacles and come out (or are working toward coming out) on the other side. Chin up girl. You are doing the best you can. People are always very frank and honest about what they think of me and I agree with you, when they have to deal with it, it does NOT go well. 😉

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