Hurting Brad

A lot of people may think that I was to calm at Brad’s funeral.  I wasn’t calm, I was drugged to the teeth.  Brad’s death hit me so bad.  My doctor called me at home after I had called his office to cancel my appointment with him because my son had died.  About 10 minutes later he called me at home.  He upped my dosage a little.  The morning of his funeral, I looked like I had dressed in dark clothes from the Wal-Mart warehouse.  I had to go and get some black clothes and I didn’t care where they came from.  I don’t even remember where they came from.   I had gained a lot of weight back when I first started taking the medicine.  I didn’t care what I looked like as my mind was not on the clothes I wore.  I couldn’t hold myself together.  I doubled the amount the Dr. had told me to take so I could get in the car to go his funeral.  I was scared to go into the viewing room.  I couldn’t believe that my only son was dead.  I fell apart.  A friend gave me a 1 mg Xanax and that with the double does.  That stopped me from crying.  That was what I was doing being so calm.

I had always tried to protect Brad from the sorrows.  When my husband had adopted Brad and changed his last name.  When that marriage fell apart my ex-husband tried to un-adopt him.  After the judge ( the same one that granted the adoption) called him a monster.  We proceeded to mitigation of our divorce.  I told my ex that if he would just treat Brad like his daughter from a broken marriage, to take Brad for the weekend instead of abandoning him, I would not accept any child support from him.  He looked at me and told me that he didn’t want to see Brad and I wasn’t going to get a dime from him.  Since I couldn’t  appeal to his heart, I was going to hit him where it would hurt. I went after his wallet.  He was so surprised to find out that he HAD to pay child support.  When it was over, I told him that if he ever was late, I would have him arrested.  He abandoned Brad.  Brad was so hurt.  He said he thought that my ex was going to be his Daddy forever.  I told him I thought so too.

Now as I look back and think about all my actions while raising him, I am punishing the person that hurt him the most.  Me.

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About 1wanderingtruthseeker

I'm a fiftish woman that has opinions and passions about nearly everything under the sun. I love a good debate, not name calling. I believe in the Constitution , the Bill of Rights and God. I believe the government which governs the least is the best government of all. I believe in the rights of the people. I dispatched fire trucks, the Po-Po and ambulances for a long time so I have a wicked sense of dark humor and speak fluent sarcasm. I think out loud a lot times. I am offensive. But I'm offensive of everybody. Socially unacceptable, plain spoken and unashamed. If you don't want to be offend, please don't read and if you do, please consider that I'm not politically correct in any sense of the word.
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