Happy Birthday.

Happy Birthday

Prince Arthur and the Fairy Queen.

Today is Brad’s birthday.  He would have been 35 years old.  It takes a lot of men 35 years before they grow up and be men.  You know, that’s true.  Brad never got the chance to grow up.  He had so much to offer.  His heart was so big.  Now, he will never be able to finish that oil painting he was doing for me.  A picture of a fairy with butterfly wings sitting on a tool stool under the full moon.  I saw it before he died.  It was beautiful.  Brad was very creative and could draw and paint pictures besides the tatoos he did.  Now not only my son but the picture too has disappeared.  I have some of Brad’s ashes buried in my flower garden so  he could rest knowing he was home.  I would love to have had that picture so that I could be reminded every time I looked at it of the art my son held in his mind and soul.  I miss you so much Brad.  I wish you were here to see your daughter growing up.  She looks a lot like you. She has your smile and dimples.  Every time I see that smile I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.  She is my only connection to you.  I would love to see your other daughter but she is out of my reach.  You said she looked so much like you.  I would love to see that little face.  Maybe when she gets older, she will want to know your side of the family.  I want you to know that I think about you every day.  I also regret every day the things we never got to do.  I think every day of how I failed you so badly  in parenting.  So many things I did wrong, but I’ll never get a do-over.  When a child commits suicide the parent always feels that they didn’t do enough.  I mean, come on, to think of your child feeling that he was so alone that he felt suicide was his only option?  How could that happen?  What did you do wrong?  Today is your birthday and it’s another year that I am having to live without you.

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About 1wanderingtruthseeker

I'm a fiftish woman that has opinions and passions about nearly everything under the sun. I love a good debate, not name calling. I believe in the Constitution , the Bill of Rights and God. I believe the government which governs the least is the best government of all. I believe in the rights of the people. I dispatched fire trucks, the Po-Po and ambulances for a long time so I have a wicked sense of dark humor and speak fluent sarcasm. I think out loud a lot times. I am offensive. But I'm offensive of everybody. Socially unacceptable, plain spoken and unashamed. If you don't want to be offend, please don't read and if you do, please consider that I'm not politically correct in any sense of the word.
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