As I sat besides the bed, swabbing her lips with the glistern stick, my Grandmother stare at me like she didn’t know me. I was having a hard time seeing her as the grandmother I remembered of days gone by. Grannie’s house was the only place I could go and get by with licking my finger and sticking it in the sugar bowl. I got to pick what I wanted to eat for dinner, even if it was surgery cereal. I would sit in Grannie’s lap and she would tell me the bible stories that went with the pictures in the big bible.
Grannie had alzheimer’s. She had lost the ability to remember even her own family. There were so many things that Grannie had lost to this disease. She couldn’t speak. She couldn’t eat. She lost her memories. It’s a horrendous disease.
I only went to sit with her at the very end. I was ashamed of myself. I had to force myself to go into the nursing home. There are so many lost souls in a nursing home. I was and am afraid of nursing homes. The look in the patients eyes. It’s like they are afraid and lost at the same time. So many lost souls. I couldn’t bear to see my grandmother in one of those places. But, she had gotten to where there was more care she needed and couldn’t get at home. She had a feeding tube and a port for the I.V.
I went to the nursing home with some of the new gospel music I had found, and the big bible. I don’t know if she liked the music or was just pissed at the noise it made, but she opened her eyes. I took the big bible to her bedside and showed her the pictures and told the stories that went along them. As she had done for me. Her eyes were alive, like she was eating the pictures up. If that makes sense. I brushed her hair and cried. My Grannie was going to a place I couldn’t reach. I told her that if she heard God calling her, to go ahead and go. I didn’t know anybody that deserved the rewards of heaven more than she did. I told her the only way that I could come and see her, was to know that she was being ministered to by the angels. I could picture her running thru the grass, chasing butterflies. I think she’s still chasing butterflies.