I am just really feeling down today. I don’t do good in cold rainy weather. Rick and I didn’t hardly talk this weekend. I told him that I feel like he is getting tired of me. He has been making remarks like he is the lone ranger. That he’s the only one that does stuff. I must admit that he does a lot for me. But I am sick of hearing about the dislocated shoulder he had 3 years ago. If my back hurts, he shoulder hurts worse.
Things are a little rocky with my grand child too. They are having some problems, and I told her mother that I would try and help if I could or just to talk. Well, like always, I was blown off. An atomic bomb is going to go off at her house. I just let my granddaughter know that Grannie’s is a safe place. If she runs, I want her to be able to run to me as oppose to oh, say Florida.
It’s just one of those days. I would love to throw something to make it smash, but then, I’d have to clean it up. I just feel so defeated at every turn. It’s just a bummer day. I know some of my friends are having it worse than me. I just feel depressed. The holidays are coming. This is my first Christmas since Brad died. Holidays make a lot of people feel like shit and I guess I’m just one of them. I just found out that one of my old co-worker and friend died. He died a long time ago and I just found out. He was a damn good paramedic and he was bi-polar also. I hope he didn’t kill himself. I don’t know how he died. But suicide is a top killer among bi-polar folks.