cont part 2

I would have days of rage where I would scream at anyone that made me mad.  Depression that would make me attempt suicide.  I would be manic if every thing was just rosy. But rosy wasn’t in the picture in those days.  So mostly I would rage and spend days in the bed, wishing life would just cease.  This wasn’t an environment for any teenager, let alone one that had problems.  I have been eaten up in guilt. Guilt for not being a good mother. From all the mistakes I made in raising Brad.  And not trying hard enough.  For not going out dancing when Brad asked me to go with him.  He knew that I loved dancing, and wanted to show me that he too could dance.  I should have made time to take him to and from football practice when he told me that he wanted to join the team.  But instead I told him no football because I worked and wouldn’t be there to take him to and from.  There are so many things that I regret not doing.

Brad presented me with my first granddaughter.  The best thing that had happened to me in a long time. She saved my life. I love that little girl so much.  I guess that is the gift for grandparents.  Brad wanted to know why I couldn’t love him like that when he was little. I tried to explain to him how I had to work making almost minimum wage.  That I was the rule maker, the bad guy.  And I raised him alone.  That has made me feel guilty too.


About 1wanderingtruthseeker

I'm a fiftish woman that has opinions and passions about nearly everything under the sun. I love a good debate, not name calling. I believe in the Constitution , the Bill of Rights and God. I believe the government which governs the least is the best government of all. I believe in the rights of the people. I dispatched fire trucks, the Po-Po and ambulances for a long time so I have a wicked sense of dark humor and speak fluent sarcasm. I think out loud a lot times. I am offensive. But I'm offensive of everybody. Socially unacceptable, plain spoken and unashamed. If you don't want to be offend, please don't read and if you do, please consider that I'm not politically correct in any sense of the word.
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